this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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