My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize