weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
