Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
