their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
