JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
