doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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