why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
