I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
