so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
