It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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