She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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