Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
