So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
