So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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