They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize