He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
