Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
