R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
