I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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