How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
