Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
