every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
