The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
