could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
