i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize