great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
