if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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