Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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