I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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