She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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