Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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