I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
