Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
