i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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