the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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