Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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