i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
