i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
