oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
