On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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