Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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