just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
