so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
