i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
