i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
