we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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