Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
