he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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