so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
