and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
