benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
