dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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