what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
