I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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