The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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