I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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