the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
