I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize