ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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