I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
