its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
