If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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