you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
