Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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