Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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