i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
