Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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