he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize