your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
