Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
