his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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