I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
