When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
it's like iHOP with fire
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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