Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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