Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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