quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize